I Hate Valentine’s Day or Maybe Not

13 Feb

My daughter made homemade Valentine’s Day cards for every single one of her 4th grade classmates.  We went to Michael’s this weekend and prowled the aisles looking for just the right paper, sparkly stickers and paints. I definitely spent more than it would have cost to buy the box cards but it was worth it to indulge her artistic fervor.

Her intensity to craft a unique design for every friend based on their personality, was admirable. And as I watched her paint, cut and paste the cards, I asked her why she wanted to do this project. She said, “I want to give each of them something special.  A real valentine comes from the heart and not just something I’m gonna buy you.” Wow. I guess my husband and I are doing something right.  I was totally impressed with her desire to express to each of her friends just how much they mean to her. We certainly don’t do this enough in our everyday life.

I’m starting to have a change of heart about this holiday. I have had this very jaded view of Valentine’s Day for a long time. I think it started in elementary school. The teachers weren’t as vigilant about giving out the class list to make sure everyone got a valentine. I would compare how many cards I got with the most popular girls in class. I always felt insecure since I wasn’t very popular or pretty. I wore thick glasses, was super skinny and had prominent Italian features I always tried to hide.

It was the same type of torture in high school. You could order candy grams for your friends that got delivered to homeroom. Some people would get tons of candy while others didn’t. It was just depressing to have this Hallmark event lorded over us during our torturous adolescent years.  As I got older, this holiday didn’t become more fun. When I was single, I felt even more single. When I was dating someone, the perpetual questions such as, is he going to get me a gift and should I get him something?  And in the gift exchange or lack thereof, what exactly did that mean about the budding relationship?   The complications of these questions just sucked.

Now that I am married, my husband and I have just agreed not to exchange presents. We share the same opinion that Valentine’s Day seems to be a very superficial holiday.  But this year my daughter has renewed a little faith in me that the intent of this holiday could still be pure. Heck, my dad says it’s the busiest holiday of the year in the erotic industry so maybe it’s not so bad. So…Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! There…. I finally said it with a hearty intention after all these years. For those of you I know and love, you’re all truly special to me.

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Political Forgiveness

30 Jan

A day before the voting begins in the Republican primary in my home state of Florida, I couldn’t help but think of the axiom, “to err is human, to forgive divine.”  Voters in the politically twisted state of Florida will have to muster quite a bit of forgiveness where current Republican presidential hopefuls are concerned. Claims by Newt Gingrich’s second wife, Marianne Gingrich, he wanted an open marriage, and Mitt Romney for being evasive about releasing his tax returns has kept the press going for weeks. The voters in South Carolina, even women, found it in their hearts to forgive Gingrich and delivered a huge win for him in that state. It doesn’t look like the same thing will happen in Florida for Gingrich or exactly why he had such a stellar victory in South Carolina.

The electorate is fickle but in Gingrich’s case, I think he was forgiven because he seems to the brightest in the bunch of very average Republican nominees. The changing polls during the primaries indicate the frustration of voters in the search for a good candidate.  In the absence of a leader with a full range of admirable qualities, South Carolina voters overlooked Newt Gingrich’s character flaws in favor of his high intelligence.

But why do some politicians receive our forgiveness (and votes) and others do not? The reasons vary based on our past experiences and sometimes unwavering personal philosophies. Who really knows since forgiveness is very personal and arbitrary. We may decide a candidate’s ideas or what they symbolize trump some serious personal failings.

Good examples are Bill Clinton, who masterfully crafted the “it’s the economy stupid” message and was elected despite the Gennifer Flowers scandal. And still received high approval ratings after the Monica Lewinsky story broke. I, along with many others, thought Clinton was a good President and effectively governed despite being a serial cheater. I forgave him because I favored his democratic policies but disapproved of his infidelities.

Ronald Reagan inspired patriotism on the heels of terrible economic times in the late 1970s and even though he was viewed as “just an actor” and not that bright, he still achieved landslide victories in 1980 and 1984. He’s revered today as a political icon but no one seems to talk about the Iran Contra scandal. I guess all is forgiven, right? Nixon, though vilified and forced out of office, was later recognized for some big accomplishments such as opening relations with China. Time, death and charisma seem to ease the way to forgiveness.

Then there are other politicians (there’s a long list) who seem to be beyond forgiveness and have absolutely no redeeming qualities. Senator John Edward committing adultery and fathering a child with Rielle Hunter while his wife, Elizabeth, suffered with cancer; Congressman Mark Foley sending sexually explicit messages to teenaged House pages; and Congressman Gary Condit evading investigation amidst the desperate attempts to find missing intern Chandra Levy. Thank goodness their political careers are OVER.  

Infidelity and questionable ethics are not the ideal traits of a presidential hopeful and we aspire for our elected officials have the full package— high moral character, political deftness and scholarly competence. But more often than not, candidates don’t have all the qualities we would like and we rely on forgiveness to elect our leaders.  We are forced to make decisions as to who we elect based on which qualities we dislike the least. Good luck to my friends and family in Florida who might vote in the primaries tomorrow. You’ll have lots to forgive of the candidates on the ballot.

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Pleasure Principle

26 Jan

As a teenager, “the pleasure principle” to me was a Janet Jackson song and I didn’t realize it also defined our drive to seek pleasure and avoid pain.  This principle explains well why porn is so popular and that people can act a certain way or buy things they can’t afford. One could argue that our country slid into a recession egged on by the banking and loan industry encouraging the pleasure principle. Corporate executives who commanded outrageous salaries and indulged in lavish lifestyles are really no different than anyone else. Would you turn down a pile of cash to make your life easier? That would be a hard call. Seeking pleasure is inherent in all of us.

The cruise vacation I went on last month on Royal Caribbean’s largest ship, the Oasis of the Seas, is a great example of the pleasure principle that is so engrained in our culture. Everywhere on this ship the message is “you’re on vacation” and offers the ability to feed your whims for immediate gratification. Now I understand why Newt Gingrich insisted on taking his cruise vacation to Greece last May. He said it gave him time to think, and while that may be true, I’m sure he did other things too. It would have been a whole lot easier if he said he needed a vacation like anyone else.

Temptations are endless on a cruise. If you have an addiction problem, be forewarned, this vacation is not for you.  There is the casino, so if you have a gambling problem you’re out of luck. If you struggle with sex addiction, of course, on the ship you have access to wide selection of pay-per-view porn available on the TV in your state rooms.  If you’re a food addict, this would be a bad vacation for you, at several locations there is an unlimited supply of food. Even at the pool, children clamor around ice cream machines to pull the lever for unlimited amounts of frozen yogurt to come tumbling out on to cones. You have to pay for alcohol beverage so if you’re an alcoholic who hates paying for drinks, you might fare okay. Or you could just smuggle alcohol in your suitcase. (Here’s a really good product to do that by the way, Rum Runners.) 

Everywhere you’re encouraged to eat, drink, sleep (or stay awake all night) and have sex in excess. Strangely the only place this ship curtailed some excesses was the afternoon matinee of the less bawdy reversion of the Broadway play Hairspray.  The show was good but many may have been disappointed in the watered down version of this production.

In stark contrast to all the pleasure seeking on our cruise, I couldn’t help but notice the people who work at Royal Caribbean and that their lives were not about seeking pleasure but struggling to earn a living. Sure they had good jobs, but they sacrificed to have those jobs too. Our head server in the dining room, for months at a time, left her eight and half year old son with her mother in Croatia to serve our meals. Our room attendee wanted to be an architect but had to leave school because the tuition was too expensive.  The beach attendant in Haiti, who delivered my beach chair, probably makes one of the highest salaries in his whole village, and I couldn’t help but wonder about his living conditions at home since the earthquake. I’m grateful for the wonderful vacation but these observations made the experience feel wrong on some level. I guess I’ll always be a social worker at heart.

The desire for pleasure is a driving force for all us and I think necessary to live a fulfilling life. But those who greedily seek out pleasure with disregard for others will ultimately pay the price. Whether it’s the guy at the next table in the casino who will gamble away his life savings, or corporate executives who greedily accepts their salaries despite the disparity among the people they employ, ultimately striking the right balance in seeking pleasure will keep us sane and peaceful. For me, life was so much simpler when the pleasure principle was just a Janet Jackson song. By the way, she’s still awesome and I love this video. Take a look!

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Food Porn

22 Nov

This country is obsessed with food as is evident from the success of the Food Network, Internet sites and magazines which are dedicated to featuring decadently prepared meals and desserts. I have to confess, I even look forward to my friends’ posts and pictures on Facebook about their tasty fare (that means you Chip Mautz). All these outlets provide us steady access to food porn and best captures our sinful high caloric desires, just as porn encourages our sexual fantasies. Now that it is the holiday eating season, it’s interesting to see how our relationship with food goes into overdrive. I’m convinced the holidays are not just about spending time with loved ones but to pig out. From now until the start of the New Year, we meticulously shop, cook and travel for food pimped out with extra butter, whipped cream and chocolate. We watch the Food Network with more intent and experience many nights of feeling uncomfortably full, followed by the guilt for eating too much.

As an Italian, I’m all for the eating and I love sausage stuffing, raviolis, Christmas Eve dinner of seven fishes and pizzelle cookies. This makes the holidays memorable for me and seems no different than the cravings of porn around Valentine’s Day that make this day more fun and exciting.  I’ve noticed everyone handles the excesses around the holidays differently, and as much as I indulge, I also strike a balance with my eating habits. I read the “Food Porn” column in the Nutrition Action Newsletter (my mother-in-law would be proud) which is a great source of information about healthy food. Every month I flip to the back cover and look for the big thumbs down picture to check out what not to eat. They pan the really bad stuff like TGIF’s frozen appetizers, which is warranted because that stuff shouldn’t even be considered food, but sometimes they bash a delicious treat and, for better or worse, this maligning peaks my curiosity.

Like recently the newsletter dissed Cold Stone Creamery’s Churro Caramel Crave with the fried dough smothered in vanilla ice cream, whipped cream and caramel. It sounds great and I can’t wait to try it despite the “Food Porn” warning. But I know you can’t eat ice cream everyday without health consequences and that’s why I’m not 300 pounds. It raises the question, when does our holiday eating, a shopping spree, one too many drinks at a party or watching a porn flick become a problem?  It’s sometimes difficult to make the distinction and while it’s not bad to indulge, for some people it’s just too hard.

Those who struggle with addiction can’t easily have their favorite things, and this time of year can be torturous for them.  While we are celebrating, they face their temptations and struggle to maintain balance and sobriety.  I think this article, Conquering Food Addiction, sums up a reasonable philosophy that can be applied to all kinds of addictions. Michael Prager, author of “Fat Boy, Thin Man,” said, “When I found out I had an illness, I took responsibility to make it better, I have no respect for people who use [their addiction] as a crutch.”  I think this is so true, although I know it’s sometimes hard for people to take that first step to seek help.

So while you’re eating that extra piece of pie and indulging in the things that make life and this holiday season just that much more enjoyable, the old saying “everything in moderation” (and this includes porn too) still holds true!

Check out @foodporn on Twitter

The ‘Everything in Moderation’ Myth

Anthony Bourdain; No Reservations Food Porn Episode

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My 9/11

11 Sep

Visit with Barbie Blake to the Pentagon Memorial September of 2008.

 Everyone has a 9/11 story and while my experience on this day may be very similar to yours, on this anniversary I feel compelled to share my account. I just don’t want to forget what happened ten years ago. My hope is one day my daughter will read this recollection and appreciate 9/11’s historical significance and sacrifice, just as the stories told to me by my husband’s Gram about the beginning of WW I, my grandmother about the Pearl Harbor attacks, and my parents who lived through the JFK assassination conveyed important details about the transformative events of our country.

On September 11, 2001, I noticed the weather was picture perfect as I drove to work at the National Mental Health Association office in Old Towne Alexandria, Virginia. As I sat at my desk, with coffee in hand and reading e-mails to prepare for a busy day, I heard someone in the hallway say, “Oh my god, a small plane hit the World Trade Center.” I didn’t think it was much more than an isolated accident but shortly the news was reporting a commercial airliner had slammed into the North Tower. I promptly called my husband at home hoping he hadn’t left for National Airport to travel to Boston for work as planned that day. He answered the phone, and I don’t even remember saying hello and just told him to turn on the TV because a plane had hit the World Trade Center. We quickly hung up. 

When the second plane hit the South Tower, I went to Patrick Cody’s office where one of the only TV’s in the building was located. A crowd had gathered to watch the unfolding coverage and our conversation was of disbelief and horror about the events unfolding in New York City. It was apparent this was no accident. We tried to be proactive to assist with this crisis, while struggling to comprehend what was happening. One of us suggested NMHA provide a public statement directing communities to mental health and PTSD resources and offer our own educational information. We also realized our New York City affiliate would need to help the public cope on the ground. Then things got worse.  Sitting around Patrick’s desk, we heard the report that the Pentagon was hit and there were still planes circling D.C. The full scope of this atrocity was more than we could handle and we abandoned our attempt at work and dispersed to call loved ones.

After that it was a bit of blur.  Jennifer Bright’s husband worked at the Pentagon, and we hoped he wasn’t injured or worse. She just had a baby boy and returned to work a few months before. We got word he was okay, but who else did we know that might have been in the path of that plane? And where was this other plane going to hit? Leah Holmes-Bonilla’s daughter attended school near the Pentagon. What was happening there? And how soon could she get to her child? People ran to the roof of our building and could see the smoke billowing from the Pentagon in the distance. I looked out a window and wondered if I should try to get home, but Route 1 through Old Towne Alexandria was bumper to bumper traffic. So, after another brief conversation with my husband, we decided me staying put might be safer.  Phone service was not great. Cell phones didn’t work at all and landline service was hit or miss.   

My grad school classmate, Elyse Einhorn, lived in Manhattan and I was able to call her home. Her husband Michael Solomon picked up the phone breathless. He told me he had just walked from the World Trade Center area after evacuating his office. He felt the impact of the first plane hitting the World Trade Center and witnessed the second plane hit the South Tower.  Elyse was stuck in West Chester and I was relieved they were both okay.

The Internet was totally jammed and I couldn’t get to any news website, but strangely my AOL Instant Messenger worked and I chatted with Eric Reading who lived in Cairo, Egypt at the time. I typed furiously, “You have to come home and get out of Egypt,” thinking a Muslim country would be a bad place for an American at that moment. I had no idea what “Al-Qaeda” was, but I had heard this extremist muslin group was responsible for these the terrorist attacks.  Eric typed back, “I’m not coming home. I’m safer here.” Eric was also able to relay more accurate news information then I was hearing on TV in the states which was so odd.

Shortly after this online conversation, another co-worker, Russell Mark, walked past my doorway and said, “The South Tower just fell.” People assembled in the conference room around TVs that were set up. I just couldn’t stay in there too long but would pop in and out to hear the latest updates.   A few hours later, I finally received a cell phone call from Barbie Blake. I was surprised my phone rang, since cell phones weren’t working.  I answered and heard her ask, “Are you okay?” I told her I was, but stuck in Alexandria, VA and I asked her to call my mother, since phone service wasn’t great here, to let her know I was fine.

That evening I drove home slowly up Route 7 to McLean, staying off any major roads and for the rest of the night I was just glued to the TV. My husband had recorded live footage and we watched in slow motion the planes slamming into the towers. It was surreal. In the days that followed, I remember my husband waited in line at a local hardware store to purchase an American flag to hang on our front porch. We also drove by the Pentagon and saw the gapping, smoldering hole in the side of the building where the plane had crashed. It was just unbelievable to see the damage up close. The sky was strangely quiet, and for weeks all air travel was grounded. A month later I flew out of National Airport to Tallahassee for the Miami vs. FSU game. The airport was empty. While awaiting my flight, I saw the news reports about the Anthrax attacks.  I had some second thoughts about getting on that plane but went anyway.  I also talked to everyone I knew just to “check-in.” Strangely I never cried but just felt anger in the pit of my stomach. I also felt grateful that I didn’t know anyone that was killed in the attacks. I realized how lucky I was.

At work, we all knew that the mental health needs of the country would be forever altered and our outreach efforts quickly focused on helping all of our affiliates support their communities in coping with the disaster. If you lived in Peoria or Alaska, everyone had suffered in some way. James Radack wrote some excellent pieces on helping children and communities cope with disaster. In the weeks and months that followed 9/11 so many mental health materials like this were created. These tools are still used today after any type of disaster, natural or otherwise, with great attention paid to PTSD and the importance of immediate on the ground responses.

Today there are many reminders about 9/11’s lasting impact. The most important reminder for me is my work with the University of Southern California School of Social Work and its online MSW program, the http://msw.usc.edu. The school has an excellent military social work curriculum and many military affiliated students have enrolled in the program. These students have a strong desire to become social workers because of their experience with the waged wars that fought against terrorism. They have sacrificed so much and I am reminded often of their stories that embody true bravery.

So much has changed in the last ten years. On 9/11 ten years ago, my daughter had not been born, writing a book hadn’t even crossed my mind and so many career changes lie ahead.  So today I remember and reflect and hope nothing like this ever happens again.

View of the Pentagon (crash side) from the Pentagon Memorial 2008.

World Trade Center Site in June of 2008.

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Like Mother, Like Daughter?

30 Aug

My nine year old daughter asked me, “Do boys like that?” pointing to a picture in a magazine she was reading while waiting to get her hair cut. I glanced down and it was a photo of a young girl in a short skirt being ogled at by a guy. I immediately thought the picture was borderline too sexy and felt guilty for not being more careful about what she was reading.

I said, “You shouldn’t try to look or act like this to get attention.” I further explained my expectations about how girls should dress and what the appropriate age was to date.  Watching her think about what I said, I hoped it would become a part of her conscience.  She has a crush on a boy her age who lives on our street, so naturally she is figuring out what boys like. I see my daughter and this boy whispering and laughing together when all the children in our neighborhood are out playing. The mutual infatuation they share is sweet and pure and the boy’s parents and I muse about the prospects of a future budding romance.  My husband hears about this crush and dreads my daughter’s dating future. It’s cruel revenge for a father to have daughters.

I’m encouraged that she got my message that day because she has many of my sensibilities. She’s cautious, observant, and not a thrill seeker. Given her personality and my husband’s and my involved parenting styles, I hope the values will protect her from the negative influences  that lead some kids to experiment with drugs or premature sex, and that she’ll have good judgment about resisting peer pressure.

But I also won’t assume just because I see much of my personality in my daughter that she will think or act in the same way that I would. We are different people. She’s very outgoing and I’m not. She’ll smile at anyone and says “the best way get someone to smile is to smile first.” She also has a flare for the dramatic, which is a part of her temperament I really don’t understand. I’m puzzled as to her reactions when I tell her no. She sometimes will scream, “You’re ruining my life!” (yes, she’s only nine) And with that I leave the room and shake my head. I’m just not like that.

She’ll also have many outside influences that will play a role in shaping her ideas. We hear all the time how girls are growing up too fast and how pop culture is the culprit in shaping unhealthy attitudes about sex and relationships in young people. It’s undeniable that porn has indirectly (or directly) influenced our culture making it customary to see provocative imagery everywhere. I sometimes think about how my dad had a hand in making these types of sexy images more readily acceptable given his pioneering work in the porn industry. And yes, this makes parenting more challenging, but with all these challenges there are opportunities. After all, would my daughter have asked the question about boys if the picture wasn’t there? 

My parents may have not had to worry about what I watched on TV or read when I was younger but I don’t think this made it easier to raise me. I didn’t have talks with my parents about sex or relationships even though my dad was in the porn industry. There was an unspoken expectation about behaviors but I didn’t have influences like Katy Perry, Rihanna or Ke$ha to inspire as many questions about sexuality.

So while many believe the existence of pornography is to blame for the problems of today’s youth, I don’t feel contempt or outrage for the way our culture has been influenced by porn. I feel grateful that today we talk more openly with our children about sensitive issues and that we are forced to be more vigilant and discuss what was once taboo topics.

Ultimately I don’t believe the images or advice dished out in fashion magazines or anywhere else will ultimately dictate my daughter’s ideas and perceptions. I will be the one to do that. That’s my job as a parent. My involvement in my daughter’s life will be more effective than censorship. I’ll never stop being involved in shaping her thoughts about boys, sex, dating or anything else.

Sex, Drugs And Alcohol: Parents Still Influence College Kids’ Risky Behavior, Study Shows

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Pelosi Tames Sexism

12 Aug

This seems to be the year the men of Congress have gone wild. Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Minority Leader in the House, called for another ethics investigation a few weeks ago, on the heels of Weinergate, about the sexual misconduct allegations against her colleague Rep. David Wu (D-Ore). If you don’t know, since the debt ceiling drama as hogged all the headlines, Congressman Wu is accused of making unwanted sexual advances toward a friend’s teenage daughter. Throw in a wacky picture of himself in a tiger suit sent to staffers last year and you’ve got something really special.

Pelosi seems accustomed to the juvenile antics of her political colleagues since these types of incidences are commonplace on Capitol Hill.  Elected to office in 1987, she’s climbed the ranks amidst the bad boy behavior of Sen. Gary Hart (D-CO), Sen. Bob Packwood (R-Ore) and Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-MA) and their pioneering work in infidelity and sexual harassment. Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY), Sen. John Edwards (D-NC), Sen. John Ensign (R-NEV), Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC), Gov. Eliot Spitzer (D-NY) and the most famous philanderer, President Bill Clinton, carried on their tradition to inspire lusty headlines of their own.

Even if you don’t agree with her politics, you have to admire that Pelosi succeeded in a pervasively sexist culture on Capitol Hill surrounded by men who appear to be depraved idiots.  I suspect she has been chased around a desk or two. Once she stated in a New York Times blog, which explored the role sexism played in Hillary Clinton’s campaign for President, “I’m a victim of sexism myself all the time.”

So what’s the secret of Pelosi’s success? She gained great power in being a woman that doesn’t dwell on the unfairness of sexism or the times she was objectified. Pelosi also said (in the article referenced above), “I myself find that I get a tremendous upside being a woman, and I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about sexist remarks that people make.” This is good advice for women facing unique challenges in the workplace.

I believe women in porn hold this same type of power Pelosi speaks about. Successful porn stars have negotiated better deals, started production companies and got behind the camera to direct films. Like Pelosi did in Congress, women in the male dominated porn industry created a lucrative place for themselves in spite of the sexist nature of this business.

So it seems perfect irony that Pelosi is now charged, at times, with counseling these wayward politicians in resigning in the name of doing what’s best for their constituents and families. Her success, along with the success of so many other women, defeats sexism. Pelosi is truly one of the iron ladies of the Capitol Hill.

Put Pelosi ‘In Her Place’? Sexism Charges Fly

Pelosi Statement on the Resignation of Congressman Wu July 26, 2011                                                                     

Pelosi Calls for Ethics Committee Investigation of Congressman Wu July 24, 2011

Pelosi Statement on the Resignation of Congressman Weiner June 16, 2011

Pelosi Calls for Ethics Committee Investigation of Congressman Weiner June 6, 2011

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Bin Laden Couldn’t Escape Porn

5 Jul

As funny as it was that pornographic movies were discovered at Bin Laden’s compound, it should be no big surprise— a lot of people watch porn.  I wondered if Bin Laden had watched the type of porn that explored the taboo of having sex with women that wear burqas (I discovered this at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo) or maybe he secretly had a thing for “decadent” Western women. We may never know for sure.

What’s more interesting to me about Bin Laden and his fellow terrorists stashing porn is that porn is a powerful symbol of American civil liberties.  Al Qaeda consistently denounced and sought to destroy western culture, and Bin Laden blasted how Americans “plastered our naked daughters across billboards”.  His words were insincere and he was like so many others who watch porn and try to hide it. As my dad says, “people don’t practice what they preach.” In the end Bin Laden couldn’t elude America’s cultural impact or our devotion to seek justice.

But beyond being curious about Bin Laden’s porn preferences or hypocritical proclamations against western culture, I couldn’t help but draw the conclusion that porn exists in this country, as such a thriving part of the economy no less, because we have access to unique liberties. Dare I say porn is a consequence of our American way of life? I think it is and how we choose to regulate its access in the future could impact the freedoms we enjoy. Let’s not end up like China, blocking Internet access to porn along with news and information considered to promulgate ideas of freedom. I’m glad we can continue this conversation and debate about porn in a free and open society.

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Dad’s Spaghetti and Clams

28 Jun

Being Italian American has its delicious perks and food has always been important for my family. It seems fitting since I’m sharing my family stories with all of you to also share my parents’ great recipes on this blog. They are both fantastic cooks.  Phone conversations with my mother often revolve around what she’s cooking. When my dad visits he sometimes takes charge of cooking a big Sunday meal. It reminds me of the days when my grandparents gathered the family together around a dinner table. The below recipe my father learned from my grandfather Antonio. I hope you like this. Mangia!

Dad’s Spaghetti and Clams

(serves 8-10)

50 top neck clams

2 to 3 cups olive oil

2 bulbs garlic

One bunch of Italian parsley

2 lbs of spaghetti (do not salt cooking water)

Coat the bottom of a big pot with olive oil and chopped garlic. Chop one bunch of Italian parsley including the stems (they have vitamin C and tons of flavor) and set aside.  

olive oil, garlic and clams

Scrub the clams vigorously under cold water to clean sand and dirt off the shells.  Place clams in the pot, sprinkle parsley on the top.  Turn burner on medium heat and cover pot to steam the clams. This will take about an hour.

Once the shells open, remove the clams (watch this video) and place is a separate bowl. Discard any unopened clams.

Clams steamed open

Reserve all liquid remaining in the pot. Cut clams into quarters (watch this video) and place in a colander. Rinse clams (watch this video) and then return to pot. Bring to a light boil.  

Place cooked spaghetti in the pot to combine with clam sauce, then pour into a large serving bowl.  Sprinkle grated cheese and red crushed pepper to taste.  You can serve this with a caprese salad. See my first taste. Enjoy!

There's enough sauce here to add more pasta.

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Happy Father’s Day to the Pornographer

19 Jun

Dad and I at the Inaugural Ball for Bill Clinton 1996

I know my life is too busy when I just realized today is Father’s Day. There was no card in the mail for my dad, so feeling very guilty, I sat down and wrote this blog.  As you may know, I’m writing my book, The Pornographer’s Daughter, in large part because of my dad’s incredible story about distributing Deep Throat in the 1970s.  But apart from his 35 year career in the porn industry, he’s just my dad. I learned a lot from him about persistence (he fought his case to the Supreme Court) and about social justice (which prompted me to earn a Masters degree in Social Work). And a million other little things that positively shape my political views, work ethic and parenting philosophies. So for this, I thank him today.

I also wanted to give you a glimpse of the eccentricities and qualities about him, besides his job, which make him so unique to me. Like how he thinks going to the grocery store is an exciting outing and that he has a strange concern about whether or not I have enough plastic containers for leftovers. He makes great pancakes and gravy and meatballs.  Every election he drives people to the polls to vote who can’t get there themselves. Of course he only gives rides to Democrats since he says he wouldn’t want the Republicans to have any advantage. He lives in Florida so every vote counts. On Election Day in 2008, he volunteered for the Obama campaign office in Philadelphia. Like so many others, when the results came in declaring Obama would be the next president, he gleefully took to the streets like a teenager to celebrate. 

My dad has to wear shirts with a front pocket so he can carry a pen. I have no idea what he might desperately need to write down, but any shirt given as a gift without a pocket is promptly returned.  He hates the bright sunlight, but as previously mentioned, strangely he lives in Florida. He loves big cities, Broadway plays, and he thinks becoming a grandfather is his greatest achievement. He loves his Gracie girl! He is generous to a fault sometimes, and takes great joy in gathering his friends and family together by planning a huge reunion party in South Philly every year.  My dad is a hard worker, yells at the TV when he is watching political shows and reads stacks of newspapers every day. I’m so proud to call him my dad. Happy Father’s Day!

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